It's kind of torturing when you get addicted to something.
Sometimes you don't even know you're addicted to it. To my experience, I'll just be knowing that I always want somemore out of it, I'm enjoying doing that and I might just don't care spending d time excessively for the sake of my favourite. Is onlining r chatting in msn or playing games is considered as one of them? Hmm..kinda complicated to explain the feelings here.
As soon as I learn Buddhism, I try to observe my heart. Yeah, I realised, it is a kind of addiction. Sometimes I just wanna do something without a reason why, and usually it is not the right thing to do at that moment. Do it simply because I feel happy when doing it or because I have been doing the same thing a few days before! Now that I realised that it's not the right thing to do at present moment, I just don't get the power from my heart to stop it. My heart is too weak in making a rational decision in front of those temptations. Breaking of the fifth precept...haha. I should meditate more. Really need to strengthen and train my heart!
This reminds of my meditation class last sun. Some reflections here. As I start observing and counting the breaths, the mind starts wandering around. 1...2...mind thinking of something else...then came to realise that. Start focusing on the breathing again...1...2...3...zzz....4....zzz...5....see a girl walking in my mind. Again the mind wanders around. The first time I came to know that my thoughts are in a such mess. It could be a split second here, another second there. Conclusion: Meditate more. :)
A tree and a piece of grassland somehow came into my recent life. The grassland has been there for sometime, but I don't really observe them, and vice versa. After a few nights of raining and thunderstorm, I feel the change. The grasses grew taller and now I notice them. And I have finally known where's the tree located, I have been searching it for sometime. Talking craps here...haha...back to the Addiction, ya i notice something else. When I thought that I'll get it in time, I don't feel like wanting it coz it's not the best thing that I want. But when it fades away, my heart somehow desires it. So conclusion: People don't really know what they want. Or it's me don't really know what I want in my life.
Hey, it's late now Carol, why are you still here? Yr clothes are halfway being packed. Forget about the other things, back to your normal life now. Life goes on. :)
